


2: A Night on the Town

by Fontainebleau



Series: Unexpected: The Captain America Papers [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23631496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fontainebleau/pseuds/Fontainebleau
Summary: The workskin for this fic comes originally from the incomparable La_Temperanza,How to Make Newspaper Articles on AO3, updated by Airdanteine,HTML and CSS Code to Three Column Newspaper Workskin.
Series: Unexpected: The Captain America Papers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703347
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: Stucky Remix 2020





	2: A Night on the Town

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Seven times Steve Rogers was not what everyone expected him to be (+1 time he really, really wasn't what everyone expected him to be)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18258299) by [StuckySituation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuckySituation/pseuds/StuckySituation). 



  
**Captain America in Fundraiser Fracas! “I was a Commie” – American Hero’s Shock Confession**

NEW YORK - America’s most famous masked defender, Captain Steve Rogers, has become embroiled in political controversy following an incident last night at the gala fundraiser for the Brooklyn Memorial Hospital, held at the historic Hotel Bossert. Captain Rogers and his colleagues from the self-styled ‘Avengers’, including the ‘Black Widow’ Ms Natasha Romanov, striking as always in an emerald-green Versace gown, mingled with benefactors from the worlds of industry and finance, and famous faces from the borough including Adam Sandler, Marisa Tomei and Anne Hathaway. 

Mr Tony Stark, taking a break from his alter-ego Iron Man to represent the Stark Foundation, gave a characteristically entertaining speech introducing his new Stark Scholarships for Medical Technology, following it up with a demonstration of the cutting-edge robotics currently under development by his R&D team.

After the smoke cleared and the emergency sprinkler system was deactivated, Senator P. Humbucker of the Maxwell P. Humbucker Foundation took to the stage to say a few words about his late father’s foundation and his plans to endow a new private clinic to augment the borough’s medical services. Captain Rogers appeared to take exception to the proposal, interrupting the speech to demand of the Senator, “Why ain’t this new hospital of yours free?”

Senator Humbucker, retaining his good humour, assured the Captain that handouts were not what people valued - pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, he asserted, was the American way, as he was sure Captain Rogers could vouch from his own childhood experience. Captain Rogers then reportedly challenged him, “If you and your friends paid your taxes, pal, wouldn’t be any need for handouts -- city could lay on free clinics and give kids proper schoolbooks in every borough.”  


The Senator’s reply went unheard as at that moment another of Mr Stark’s devices detonated suddenly, showering the guests with glowing particles; Mr Stark assured all that they were completely harmless, and that any itching or purple coloration to exposed skin would be strictly short-lived.

Later in the evening, as we understand, Sen. Humbucker encountered Captain Rogers while circulating among the guests. The Senator, according to our unnamed informant, observed that he was surprised to find a man with such a distinguished military record espousing such socialistic and un-American policies, though he supposed that Captain Rogers had had little opportunity to familiarise himself with the complexities of modern politics. Captain Rogers apparently replied that there “never was any shortage of smarmy rich [expletive]s telling the poor to work harder while they squeezed them for profit in my time neither.” Sen. Humbucker responded brusquely that he thought he was speaking to Captain America, not Captain Commie; Captain Rogers reportedly laughed and said, “Got news for you, pal, I was never on the side of people like you.” 

Dr Banner made an unsuccessful attempt to intervene at this point, but could not prevent an irate Sen. Humbucker advising Captain Rogers that he was a disgrace to our great military and should show some respect to his office. Captain Rogers then allegedly approached the Senator in an aggressive manner, prompting Mrs Helen G. Humbucker to ask him whether he was threatening her husband. The Senator reportedly replied that the captain was harmless, just a stage act with a shield, whereupon Captain Rogers said, ‘Think you’re mistaking me for someone else, pal,’ and punched the Senator square in the jaw.

The Senator fell into a table of guests, upsetting several plates of finest-grade sushi over Ms Tomei and her party, and Mrs Humbucker understandably succumbed to hysterics. Fortunately Ms Romanov had the presence of mind to upend a champagne cooler over her, and the shock of the ice-water proved successful in restoring Mrs Humbucker to equanimity. Security guards were immediately summoned and Captain Rogers was escorted from the premises.

A spokesperson for the P. Maxwell Humbucker Foundation later confirmed that Sen. Humbucker had received treatment for minor contusions, but subsequently departed by private helicopter to his Long Island home; unconfirmed reports indicate that he is considering legal action against Captain Rogers for assault and slander.

Mr Stark, when asked by our reporter whether he regretted the impulsive actions of his associate, replied, “You’ve got to be kidding – it was better than courtside seats to the Knicks.” He was then asked whether he thought Captain Rogers was something of a loose cannon even by the standards of the “Avengers”, at which point his personal assistant Ms Virginia Potts intervened to state that Mr Stark was not available for further comment. 

**Author's Note:**

> The workskin for this fic comes originally from the incomparable La_Temperanza, [How to Make Newspaper Articles on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355759), updated by Airdanteine, [HTML and CSS Code to Three Column Newspaper Workskin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978975).


End file.
